Thursday, May 21, 2009

Brigit, finally Ph.D candidate

So I finally took my candidacy exam yesterday, and passed. [YAY!] The whole process has been the most nerve-wracking experiences in my life. I had a ridiculously high stress response. I had to reschedule once due to dehydration/high-blood pressure/sleep deprivation/exhaustion.

After one of the worse experiences with college emergency medical care, I reopened my stomach (that was shrunken and spastic), re-hydrated myself, gave up caffeine, and slept over the next 48 hours. I returned to the doctor (who's this awesome lady) and talked about my extreme fight or flight response to the A exam. We decided to go with beta-blockers, since they reduce the social anxiety experienced in performance situations, and won't make me sleepy/fuzzy as opioid anxiolytics would.

I do have an anxiety disorder - along with a hereditary depressive disorder- but I self-regulate my treatment along with my psych. nurse, and I had kept panic attacks at bay for years. But this exam changed everything. This was even knowing I chose an excellent committee, full of pretty hard-core people in my fields (pharmacology and biophysics) that are all genuinely dedicated professors, and just very good people all around. And maybe that was part of it, since under-performing (as I anyways feel I did, because of the nerves fucking with my memory) was one of my worst nightmares.

After they told me I passed they gave me the very constructive and accurate criticism of my proposal and performance, and told me I did a good job. By the time I packed the stuff with the help of the hubs (who went out of his lab to give me support while they deliberated) my body was just begging to cry.

And although I used beta-blockers my body found a way to tell me it was freaking out. I have a contraceptive implant - I have "periods" very, very rarely now [yay]. Guess who came down for a visit the moment I went out of the exam? Yup, bitch aunt Flo.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

My husband fucking rocks

Tomorrow's my Ph.D candidacy exam. So I can study uninterrupted my husband (without asking or saying anything) went grocery shopping, bought a lot of healthy snacks for me, made dinner, cleaned the huge dish pile, took out the trash, cleaned the living room and office, vacuumed the whole house, and is doing the laundry.
He got me string cheese and protein smoothies!!!! :D

Feliz Dia de las Madres

Happy Mother's Day to all women and transwomen that work hard to raise the next generation of people that cherish equality!

Thursday, May 7, 2009


Don't you hate it when family members grow up to be jerks and douchebags? A little cousin of mine is apparently now one of the entitled little snot-nosed jerks that hang out in the Natural Sciences Library taking pictures of their sports cars at my alma mater. He also hates at female DJs. I wish I could un-see his facebook pics. And maybe remove him (but not his dad- he's cool) from my relatives.

Giving up looks so good right now.

I want to quit everything and move into a Llama farm. Alpacas might be nice too.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

If she had opposable thumbs, there'd be a chancleta involved

Mota is the mom of my other 2 feline overlords, Johny and Ewok. Apparently, even though she had them while she was a kitten herself she hasn't forgotten who's mom. In the past few weeks she has started to bitch-slap the others if they scream or hiss while play-fighting.
She gets up, runs after one, swats him a couple of times and then turns back, looks for the other one, then slaps and hisses at him. I swear if she could wield a chancla, those two would be fucked.

From Kittehs galore

Sunday, May 3, 2009

About cookies and mental zooms.

I made way too much chocolate chip cookie dough so I have enough stored in the freezer for about 3 more dozens. Yay munchies.

The A exam is in a couple of days. Sometimes it takes an effort to mentally change the scope of what you're dealing with. Starting with memory formation, you go down to receptor trafficking, followed by receptor- and then domain- structure.
However to properly explain how you obtain your data you start from how electronic spins behave in the magnetic field up to the manner in which different amino acids interact with each other's electronic envelope.
I've got one hell of a headache.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009