Early this month, a postdoc who was part of my umbrella program was murdered by her husband, also a Cornell grad, near Taughannock falls. I took a couple of classes with her, and we had friends in common. This was beyond unexpected. She was upbeat and outspoken, and her husband was a quiet grad from information sciences.
If you go by general descriptors, there was little difference on how would an acquaintance describe them and Mr.B and me. Yet he went at her throat with a knife and she died from blood loss in the woods. Most of us are just horrified and confused. It's like conceptually I totally get that some abuse victims do go on with no visible signs of their abuse. And maybe he was good enough at it that not even her close friends noticed. Or did he suddenly go insane all of a sudden? But my mind can't really wrap itself around it.
If you go by general descriptors, there was little difference on how would an acquaintance describe them and Mr.B and me. Yet he went at her throat with a knife and she died from blood loss in the woods. Most of us are just horrified and confused. It's like conceptually I totally get that some abuse victims do go on with no visible signs of their abuse. And maybe he was good enough at it that not even her close friends noticed. Or did he suddenly go insane all of a sudden? But my mind can't really wrap itself around it.
You really, truly never know. I have clients whose husbands are senators, doctors, lawyers-- prominent members of society. I have clients that are themselves doctors, lawyers, teachers-- all respected members of society. You truly never know who is an abuser and who is being abused. From the outside, they look no different than any of us. We never know what goes on behind closed doors, and I think that this is an unfortunate and scary and way too close to home reminder of that.
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad but all too common.
what??? my goodness. . . that's insane. just difficult for me to wrap my head around. i mean, i've encountered some pretty creepy grads and post docs but i think this guy takes the cake. i hope he goes away for a long time but it's a shame the world will have lost two bright young minds.
ReplyDeleteAt any rate, I liked some of the vadlo researcher cartoons!
ReplyDelete